Just A Kiss
by Suma99
Summary: It was just a kiss. One kiss on a battlefield and lives are changed. Two symbols who would never be able to be together, because one was doomed to die, the other to lose almost everything that he knew. A look at exactly what happened in Poland in 1944 between Cap and Shadow. Memories tie-in. R
1. Funeral

_Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. I do own Etana._

_This is a tie-in with my X-Men story Memories. If I get enough reviews I will post my two happy what-if stories .One where Cap isn't frozen, the other where Etana doesn't die._

* * *

I watch as they lower the coffin into the ground. They wouldn't let me see her body. She'd been dying when she sacrificed herself. Dying of a plague. They said it was better I didn't see her. I think they may be right. I've seen other mutants who had the Legacy Virus and I don't think I'd want to see her with those glossy black wings all ragged and that short midnight fur patchy. She knew she was going to die. She told me. But she lied. She said she'd die on the 19th. She died on the 18th. She knew I'd try to stop her.

I remember the last time I saw her alive. It was April and she turned up. Just knocked on the door. Then she told me that she had contracted the Legacy Virus. I told her that Hank McCoy would find a way of curing her, that the plague would be wiped out. She just smiled sadly and said that they would invent a cure. I'm human so I knew I shouldn't be afraid. That was before the human strain was released. So I hugged her and felt the short fur and the glossy wings and she left. Left before I could ask her about that day in Poland. I thought it was just a kiss. I wished it was more but she acted like it was just a kiss. Now I know she wanted it to more. But she was too kind to hurt me. Too kind…

I step forward and shovel the three scoops of dirt onto the coffin before slamming the shovel back into the ground so hard the metal is completely buried. We couldn't find her family tomb. We think it must have been destroyed at some point. So they chose to bury her here, in the USA. She was older than this country. I can see Logan holding back tears. She was his foster-mother. He doesn't remember that but she'd been looking after him for years. Nightcrawler looks shell-shocked. He was her uncle. And she was 3000 years older than him. He found out in the letter that she saved him as a child. She saved him and it cost her the thing she loved most. The feeling of air through her wings. They broke her wings! Those beautiful, powerful wings! She loved flying. I asked her about it in Poland back in '45. She tried to explain how it felt. To fly under the stars. To become a part of the air. She couldn't. So she took me flying. I felt those huge wing beats and saw why she loved it so much. That's why she didn't teleport.

They told me she died while flying. That's how she would want to go. Flying in the night air, feeling the breeze. Worthington caught her as she fell. Apparently her last word was "_Adonai…_" Hebrew. "My Lord". She was Jewish. And that's how I met her. How I met her on that freezing day in 1944.


	2. Poland 1944

We were on an undercover mission. The people who lived in the area warned us away from the 'Shadow's Lands". We saw it. A village surrounded by fields. Fields encircled in barbed wire. We decided to see if we could stay the night there. Crossed the barbed wire. Crossed the fields. And just before we entered the village, someone grabbed me and held a knife to my throat. A female someone. A very female someone. I couldn't see her but Bucky was staring at her with fear in his eyes. She started speaking in German. I got the bit about "If any of you Nazi dogs enters my village…" but then she started telling me what she was going to do with all my body parts. I didn't know you could do that with a potato. She, whoever she was, was incredibly inventive. My German didn't stretch that far although I got the bit about our heads being put of spikes. When she stopped to draw breath I managed to explain we were Americans. She made an hmphh noise then switched to English.

"That would explain your atrocious accent. Proof of citizenship please."

"Err…"

"Proof of citizenship please."

She had a pleasant British accent. Bucky managed to get my shield out of the pack and I felt the knife being removed from my neck. I turned. I'd seen some odd things but she was by far the oddest. Her face and arms were covered in short black fur. She had huge black wings on her back and silver hair. Her eyes which were outlined with black feathers were all silver. And she was dressed in blood red clothes. I recognized the style from Japan. On her right arm, displayed proudly for all to see, white fabric on black fur was the Star of David armband.

"Finished staring?"

Then I saw the slight smile that had been playing on her lips and realized I had taking it better than most.

"Captain America at your service."

"Shadow at yours."

"Shadow isn't a name."

"And Captain is just a rank."

"Good point."

"And you?"

"Bucky."

She nodded curtly as our names were acquitted to memory.

"Come."


	3. Welcome to Haven

She led us into the village where people came up to speak to her and she would always reply in the same gentle tone of voice. It was obvious she was their leader. She gave words of comfort, promises of hope. She announced something in Polish and the people went on their way.

"Where is this?"

"This is…Haven."

"Haven?"

"One of the few places safe for my people."

"This is a Jewish village?"

"Yes."

A boy of about 12 had come running up to her and she spoke to him before he grinned and left.

"Who's that?"

"Max Eisenhardt. I rescued him from Auschwitz. He's the only surviving member of his family."

"What goes on there?"

"Horrible things. Gas chambers. Torture. Max wouldn't speak for weeks."

"Will we be able to stay here for a while?"

"Of course. This way."

She led us to a small house set apart from the others. Max was already there.

"I hope Bucky doesn't mind sharing with Max. I will sleep outside."

The place was simple. A small kitchen with very little food inside. Two rooms. One belonging to a young boy, the other to Shadow. She insisted I had it. She would sleep in the small stable outside. I tried to protest but she wasn't having any of it. I guessed in advance she had less food than all the others of her village. At any rate, she used the last of her food to feed us and I have a feeling she went without. But two boys eat a lot and I had already eaten before I noticed the small helping she had given herself. She hadn't eaten any and she gave her food to the boys. People were constantly coming in and out, asking questions, getting answers. Shadow had managed to procure a wireless and told us to use it as we wanted whilst she went to the nightly meeting. She needed to translate for some of the younger children. So she left and we were left with Max. The boy seemed to speak pretty good English. His story was definitely sad. His father had been awarded a medal for valour in the Great War. Because of that he refused to flee when the anti-Jewish messages were proclaimed. He was a war hero. No one would dare touch him. All Max's family were killed.

"Who is Shadow?"

"She has been our protector for years. No one knows when she was born but she is one of our legends. Like the golem of Prague. Some say she was responsible for that."

"That was years ago."

"Shadow is ancient. She was born in David's reign."

"Impossible…"

"No. Shadow is…is…"

His English didn't stretch far enough to explain what Shadow was. He looked so dejected that I asked him to explain in German. He couldn't explain either. We listened to the wireless for a while then she came back. She asked Max politely in German to go to bed and I ordered Bucky to go to bed as well. I heard them fighting over who had the bed and who slept on the floor. She stuck her head in and told them to either share or alternate nights. So they started fighting over whose night it was. When she sat back down, I asked her who she was.


	4. I Am Shadow

"I am the Shadow. Other names I go by are Fallen Angel and the Darkwing."

"That still doesn't explain who you are."

Those silver eyes fixed on mine.

"I was given to foster parents as a baby in 1010BC. I was raised as a Hebrew girl at the time when we were a great kingdom. I didn't age. I learnt to fight. I came here to protect my people."

"You can't be that old…"

"I am one of the…Have you heard of mutants?"

"Those people with special abilities? Yes. Namor is one. But mutants are new. It's to do with nuclear…"

"No. Mutants are as old as humanity. But there have been more born recently. I am by no means the eldest."

"There were two clans. The…I will call them by the things they inspired…angels and demons fought for centuries. I was born to the child of the demons' leader and the angel Prince. My parents were killed. I watched as my father's people were killed by my mother's. I banished my clan to…I suppose you could call it Hell. Since then I learnt how to fight. I had to. I couldn't make my life work any other way."

"You're half angel?"

"No. Nor am I half demon. Both my people were mutants. One healed fast and had wings. The other looked demonic. I gained a bit of both as you probably guessed."

I couldn't help but believe her. She spoke with honesty. She offered me coffee from the last of her stores. I could tell she would suffer for giving us all the food but I still accepted. Finally she left to sleep in the small stable attached to the house, leaving me to feel guilty about throwing her out of her room. Not that the room was very comfortable. Just a bed and washstand.


	5. Learning to Dance

When I woke in the morning I could hear the boys next door. Shadow was being helped by Max and hindered by Bucky but she still managed to get a small breakfast ready. Once again, she gave her food to the boys. Max reached out to grab some bread and something black caught around his wrist.

"Now Max, leave some for our guests."

She had a tail! I hadn't noticed it the night before. It was black, with feathers and a fork at the end. And she used it like a third hand. I saw Bucky look at it in amazement. I was just amazed I hadn't noticed it. It was covered in the same soft black fur as the part of her I had seen. Only her wings appeared not to have fur. It reminded me of velvet. Soft black velvet. I shook my head to get the confusion out. She wasn't beautiful. She was furry! But the fur looked soft. I was so confused. In the end I went out just to get away from her. It was hard to see her as nearly three thousand. She looked about twenty/thirty. I ended up helping in the fields. Everyone helped. It was the only way to avoid starvation. But I noticed they had enough food. It's just that Shadow would only take the barest minimum. She took enough to feed two boys and a grown man. And nothing to feed herself. Or rather she did take enough to feed herself but I saw her give it away. That night she ate a few bites then gave the rest to the boys again. She knew I'd noticed. The boys didn't. They were hungry and someone offered them more food so they took it. Once again she slept in the stable while I slept in her room. Once again, when I got up at 6, she was already getting breakfast and doing all sorts of chores. Getting water, cleaning, feeding the only horse in the village. I could tell she was stronger than most women. Most men as well. Then I watched as she trained. She fenced and used a bow as well as threw knives. Finally I watched as she picked up a gun with a look of distaste and hit the target dead on. I walked over with my shield.

"Hello Discus-Boy."

She'd started calling me that. Something to do with throwing the shield. I knew I should be annoyed but I couldn't be. I practised for a bit then felt a movement in the air. I only managed to get the shield round in time to block the sword. We started duelling, back and forth. She was better than Zemo. Then she dropped the sword and disappeared, only to reappear behind me. The shock from that allowed her to slam a foot into my back. I dropped the shield and felt a twinge of shame over attacking a woman until she kicked me where you don't want to be kicked.

"I fight dirty Captain. It's how I survived."

She managed to beat me. One second I had my shield under her neck, the next I felt a knife pressed to my stomach.

"I win Captain."

I heard Bucky swear and give half his breakfast to Max.

"MAX! What did I tell you about gambling?"

"BUCKY, if I hear that word from your mouth one more time, I'll wash it out with soap and water!"

Max murmured something I couldn't hear and Bucky sniggered. Shadow's eyes narrowed but she let it pass. The days started to blend together. Shadow knew about troop movement in the area so we were able to do our recon without leaving the village. Every morning we'd practise together. Bucky started teaching Max hand-to-hand combat. Shadow taught Bucky how to use a sword. She wouldn't let him near her bow though. Then we'd work in the fields. In the evening Shadow told us about troop movement. Then after the boys had gone to bed she would try and teach me to dance after I'd made a comment about being unable to. After we'd danced through every record on her gramophone, she would bid me goodnight and go to sleep in the stables.


	6. War

One day almost half a year after we turned up, everything changed. One of the men on watch came to tell her troops were advancing. The peaceful town changed within minutes. All non-fighters hid in basements. Shadow arranged the fighters. They weren't all men either. The guns they used were ex-German Army. Ex because they had been taken over time. Shadow had swords strapped between her wings and was wearing blood-red armour. As I watched, she opened a box and pulled out a blood-red helmet that looked almost Greek in design. There was a vertical slit over her mouth which widened into two eyeholes. She hesitated then put it on. It completely changed her appearance. I went to stand behind her.

"Aren't you afraid of dying?"

"I know when I am going to die. I choose to die. And I don't die today. Neither do you."

"How…?"

"I'll tell you later."

She put me in charge of a small group. The fighting grew worse but they lost more men than we did. That was because of Shadow. She'd fly or teleport around with her arrows and her swords and terrify her opponents. I could tell that she was one of the best warriors in the world. A warrior, not a soldier.

I saw her throw a knife that hit directly into a man's eye, fire an arrow through a body, fling a small piece of metal that pinned an officer's hand to a wall.

I saw Max creeping out of the cellar, picking up a gun that had fallen to the floor and firing it with deadly accuracy. Then Shadow landing in front of him, a ferocious argument that resulted in him creeping back in and her being off-guard long enough to be struck by a bullet in the unarmoured shoulder and then something that looked like bright silver fire hitting the man who fired at her. I craned round to see what weapon she used to produce that.

Then the wall we were hiding behind fell in on us.


	7. Why I Fly

I woke with air being breathed into my lungs and soft, slightly furry lips on mine. I was confused and I kissed the person who had been trying to resuscitate me. The next thing I knew, I had been punched in the stomach and the person had disappeared. Bucky was looking at me with his 'Agent 13 is going to kill you when I tell her about that' face. I wondered what on Earth had possessed me to kiss Shadow. I didn't even know her real name.

I knew we were leaving the next day. But I wanted to say sorry and goodbye to Shadow. I looked for her all day until I found her sitting on a broken wall watching the sun set.

"I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter."

"Shadow, I'm really, really sorry."

"Captain, would you believe me if I told you that was my first kiss?"

I was absolutely shocked. The quiet way she said it, the matter-of-fact tone of voice.

"It can't be…"

"It was."

I ended up sitting next to her. She looked so sad. I wasn't certain if it was because she'd only just been kissed or because it was me that kissed her.

"Why do you fly?"

She turned and looked at me with such feeling in her eyes.

"When I fly, I become alive. I become a part of the air and the night. And I'm free. Free from all the responsibility."

I couldn't understand. So she offered me her hands and took me flying. Over the fields and high up into the clouds. She flew fast, hovered, did acrobatics. I could see why she loved flying. Then she teleported us down and smiled.

"That is why I fly."


	8. Letters From the Dead

I handed her the single snowdrop I'd found nearby in an attempt to say sorry. And I did it again. I kissed her again. I knew I shouldn't. I knew I'd destroy our salvaged friendship. I half expected her to stab me. I didn't expect her to kiss me back. I asked her to join the Invaders. She refused. She had her people to look after. I promised to return after the War, take her to America. She just smiled sadly. She knew you see. She knew what would happen to me and what would happen to her.

Before I got a chance to tell Agent 13 I'd met someone else, I was frozen in ice. I didn't wake up for decades. When I woke up there were some flowers by my bed, simply signed to '_Steve_'. I didn't recognize the handwriting. Every time I was injured, every birthday, flowers were there. Never signed, always the same type. Always snowdrops. It didn't occur to me that Shadow sent them. I'd forgotten about that single snowdrop. But then she turned up one day at the New Year party. It wasn't the right time to ask her then. Everyone was watching her. I took to going to see Logan in an attempt to see her. But again, it was never the right time to ask her about the kiss. Then, six months after I met her again, she told me she had a year to live. It wasn't right to ask her again after that. A week after that we went on a mission together for Fury. It was like the old days in Haven again. We laughed and teased, trained together. She showed me more of the things she knew. I thought that I must have imagined her telling me she was going to die. We parted on good terms. But every time I tried to ask her about it, she changed the subject. I invited her to dinner. Not a date, just a meeting between friends. We not-dated for almost a year.

Then in April she turned up at the mansion and told me that she was dying. I held her close, told her that she'd live. That she wasn't going to die. That I wouldn't let her die. I was able to touch her glossy black wings and velvet fur. But she pulled away from me and told me what we had died in the time away from each other. I was hurt. I didn't see the tears in her eyes. She left quietly.

Then in May things went slightly crazy. And the 19th reached us before I knew it. I got to Westchester as fast as I could. But she'd already died. She had went to McCoy's lab the day before. Taken the cure. The cure that worked worldwide, but required a death to do so. Hank had been working on one that didn't require a sacrifice. Then Colossus had gone, planning to be the sacrifice. Only to find the cure gone. And Shadow missing. Angel found her. Plummeting to Earth as her wings gave out. He caught her and flew with her until she died. He gave her the most precious gift he could. He let her fly without pain. I crumpled the letter in my hand. She'd written a note to everyone she cared about. Mine made me realise what she had done. A letter written in the same handwriting as the notes on the snowdrops.

_Dear Discus-Boy,_

_Don't be sad Steve. Everyone dies. I've lived longer than most so I know it better than most. _

_About what I said in April. I was lying. But I didn't want to hurt you any more than necessary. I hoped you would come after me, ask me to stay. But you didn't. So I assumed you had decided to let me go. It hurt so much. But I couldn't hurt you. When you were unfrozen, I wanted nothing more than to come and visit you. Start where we left off. But it wouldn't be fair to you. I'd die. I'd die in exactly the same way. So I stayed away, and cried myself to sleep. I was asked once about falling in love. I told them I never let myself fall in love. Liar! _

_I hope you understand why I did this. I hope you understand why I did what I did. Live Steve. Don't let Death drag you down. For me, it's just the next adventure. _

_Yours,_

_Shadow_


	9. Gravestone

I went there that night. To the marble gravestone. There was only the death date and a single name.

_Etana_

_The Black Angel_

_She gave her life so we might live_

I heard steps behind me.

"I thought you'd be here."

I recognized the voice. Magneto, Master of Magnetism. I turned. And blanched. I knew him. He'd only been a boy when I last saw him without his helmet.

"Max?"

"Now you know my secret Captain."

"You… she saved you…"

"And after the War she left me. Like she left everyone."

"She didn't leave me."

"You think she cared about you? The Shadow uses people. She knew what I would become. And she abandoned me. Left me alone in a shattered world. I worshipped her. And she left me. She knew what would happen. She knew what we would become."

"That's not Shadow."

"Face it Captain. She abandoned you, just like she left me. She could have let another make the sacrifice. Instead she did what she has always done. Twisted people to fit with her teacher's plan."

"She wasn't…"

"She has been manipulating us for centuries. Face it Captain, you didn't know her."

I manage to fit in one parting shot.

"Then why do you wear her helmet?"

He looks at me coldly.

"I wear it to remind me that those you love will let you down."

He pulls out her helmet from that day in Haven and drops it onto the earth. I scrabble to pick it up and place it next to the gravestone. Magneto just looks at me with a mixture of pity and revulsion.

"She never cared for anyone Captain. She lived alone her whole life."

He leaves and I'm left to cry over the dark, freshly dug earth. Just before I leave I put the stone with a snowdrop painted in the centre onto the grave. No matter what Max said, I knew my Shadow. She was mysterious and dangerous but never manipulative. I can't help but feel like her blood is on my hands. If I'd called her when she came, told her that I… But you can't change what you did. And I'll have to live with that.


	10. Regrets

I can feel her warm body on mine, feel velvet fur on skin. Glossy feathers create a wall between us and the rest of the world. Twisting tail holds our bodies close. Head tilts in to kiss me. Then the tail and wings and fur disappear and I'm with a normal woman. A beautiful woman but conventionally so. No laughing silver eyes, no long, silky silver hair, no velvet black fur, no twisting tail or glossy wings. No feathers around the eyes, wrists and ankles. I wish it was 'Tana who had just kissed me, that it had been her who had whispered her love in my ear. Even if Logan would kill me, I wish it was my Shadow I had just kissed. My beautiful, dangerous, kindly Shadow. My Etana. The woman I kissed twice and lost my heart to. The woman who wasn't kissed until she was 3000 years old. The woman who knew our love was doomed but loved me all the same. I love her even through she'd dead, even though her body now lies rotting in the ground. I wanted her when I first saw her. If I hadn't been frozen, I would have gone back for her. Found a way to make her love me. Married her, slept with her. Given her children. Grown old and watched her remain young. Let her go before I hurt her too much. I would do anything to go back and change time so I could be with her. Done anything to feel that velvet fur and glossy wings. Done anything to see if her hair was silver or black. I would willingly kill to have her back. Why the Russian had to go thirty minutes too late, I'll never know. But because of that, I will never have her, never hold her. Never kiss her, never feel our bodies become one.

The great Captain America fell for an ancient mutant. I admit it freely. But Etana was and still is the greatest woman I ever have or will meet. I loved her. I love her.


	11. Waiting

I feel the bullet pierce my chest and know I'm going to die. Serves me right. I've been fighting the wrong war. The pain leaves and I look round and she's there, glossy wings perfect, healed, looking beautiful and vaguely inhuman. I hold her close, run my hand down over smooth feathers. I don't know how long we cried and held each other for. Then she pulls away, eyes sad. I have to say something.

"You waited for me?"

"I'll have to wait a bit longer."

"What?"

Then I'm being pulled away from her and I know I'm going back. I try to call to her but she just waves goodbye with her silver eyes full of tears.

But now I know she's waiting for me. Waiting like she waited for years. She waited 3000 years for me. Surely I can wait a few decades. And then I'll be with her. At last.

No one knows, not even Logan. No one knows I wish for a silver-eyed, black-winged mutant. No one knows I want to wake up next to someone with a tail and fur. No one knows. No one can know. It's my little secret.

And then one day she comes for me, burning as brightly as the fires she flung that day in Haven and I know who and what I fell in love with. And I'm not afraid of her.


End file.
